Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Finding My Words

In the months after my daughter was killed, I often found myself at a loss for words. Not just the specific words for what had happened and who I had become, but the regular every-day words that had always come so easily to me. I could not describe what I was feeling or explain what I was thinking. I struggled to remember the simplest names for the most ordinary things. I pointed a lot and secretly wished everyone would stop talking to me just to save myself the effort of trying to talk back. Or that they'd at least have the compassion to learn to read my mind.

It took a long time for the words to start coming back. These days, I still struggle for the specific words (what am I now? who am I now?), but the ordinary ones have returned in a flood that threatens to overwhelm me. I will spill them here.

8 comments:

Lisa said...

Debi, thank you for this.

ReneeDeLuca7 said...

I look forward to your words.

Katharine Weber said...

Can't wait to see where you go with this.

readingwritingliving said...

I am glad that you are here and that you are doing this. I've subscribed to you. :-)

Jesse Wiedinmyer said...

Christ, woman... Are you still whining about this? I thought you bought yourself a dog.

Kaethe said...

Waiting and watching as you look for words.

Grieving Mother/Therapist, Angie Bennett Prince said...

Dearest Debi,

I am so sorry you lost your precious daughter Britt. I too am from Georgia (Athens) although now I live in Knoxville, TN. And unfortunately, I too am having to learn to "live without" my precious 19-year-old-daughter, Merry Katherine who died August 2, 2006.

I have just started my blog (well, I've written in it for 2 months now); I would love to have you visit me on my blog, and perhaps we could keep up with one another through email or some form of communication. I have not met many moms of teenagers via the internet, so I am very thankful to discover you here; yet I am also very sad over what we are both grappling with.

May God bless you,

Angie

http://mothergrievinglossofchild.blogspot.com/

Debi said...

Angie, I am glad you found your way here. I hope you will find some small comforts; if nothing else, I hope you will feel less alone in these most isolating times.