Saturday, October 18, 2008

This Day

Today marks the fifth anniversary of the death of my cousin, Anastasia. She was a smart and beautiful young woman; a new wife and an even newer mother; a dancer; a dreamer; a librarian. Her death, at 23, stunned me. I remember thinking a lot about my aunt and wanting nothing more than to hold my own daughter close and keep her safe. There is comfort in not knowing what the future holds

Five years later, my aunt and I are an isolated group of two in our large and boisterous family. Inside our own griefs, we stand together and watch the rest of them and shake our heads. We ask questions there are no answers to; we keep putting one foot in front of the other.

And, on days like this - birthdays, anniversaries, holidays - we search for meaning and ways to both mark and pass the time that will somehow mitigate the pain, honor the lives ended too soon, make this day more bearable than the ones that came before. Each year we try something different: this time we'll stay home/travel/gather with a group/be alone/wallow/try not to think. And each time, I think, we come back to the same place. This day, like every other, we will remember.


August 16, 1979 - October 18, 2003


mtc said...

Thank you Debi for remembering.

Lisa said...

What a kind and moving tribute, Debi. Thank you for sharing Anastasia, and love to your family.

Edie's Thoughts said...

How I wish we were not in this club together. This year we traveled. You can not get away from the memories, and I don't want to. I remember my beautiful daughter every single day. I watch Emaline growing up and I always talk to Stasia about her. I am sure that Stasia and Brittany are together.
Have you found that you appreciate the sunrise and the sunset more, that you stop and look around and notice the beauty in nature? I have and I believe it is a gift from my daughter - telling me to look around and find the beauty that is still here.
Thank you so much for this post!